Have you ever noticed how certain people make you feel completely understood and valued, while others leave you feeling invisible? It’s no coincidence. Research in social psychology reveals that the ability to make others feel seen is not merely a personality trait but a set of learnable behaviors. As spring begins to bloom around us in March 2025, it’s the perfect time to cultivate these connection skills that foster deeper, more meaningful relationships.
The neuroscience of feeling seen
When someone truly sees us, our brains release oxytocin – often called the “bonding hormone” – creating feelings of trust and connection. “Feeling seen is not just about being understood; it’s about being acknowledged as a person with inherent value,” explains renowned researcher Brené Brown. This fundamental human need is as essential to our wellbeing as physical safety.
Habit 1: They practice true active listening
People who make others feel seen have mastered the art of active listening. This goes beyond simply hearing words – it involves fully focusing on the speaker with your entire being. As William Hazlitt wisely noted, “The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as being heard.” When you’re fully present, people sense it immediately.
Consider this scenario: When your friend shares a concern, do you immediately offer solutions, or do you first ensure they feel thoroughly understood? Those who make others feel seen choose understanding before problem-solving.
Habit 2: They validate emotions without judgment
Emotional validation is like a psychological mirror that reflects back someone’s feelings without distortion. People with this habit acknowledge emotions without rushing to fix, minimize, or judge them. “When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it,” explains Stephen Covey.
Habit 3: They remember what matters
Autobiographical memory – recalling personal details about others – signals that you value them enough to create mental space for their stories. This isn’t about perfect recall but thoughtful attention to what others share. Like a gardener who remembers which plants need specific care, these individuals nurture relationships through meaningful attention.
Habit 4: They practice genuine curiosity
People who make others feel seen approach conversations with authentic curiosity rather than waiting for their turn to speak. “Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with their heart, and seeing with their eyes,” notes Daniel Pink. This curiosity manifests as thoughtful questions that explore rather than interrogate.
Developing these habits in your own life
- Practice the 3-second pause before responding in conversations
- Ask yourself: “Am I listening to understand or to reply?”
- Notice when you’re mentally formulating responses instead of fully listening
- Make a habit of asking one follow-up question before changing topics
As you incorporate these habits, you may find yourself noticing subtle emotions in others that previously went unseen. This heightened emotional awareness can transform your relationships, both personal and professional. Have you considered which of these habits might most dramatically improve how you connect with the important people in your life?
For more insights on improving your relationships, explore the words emotionally mature couples use during conflicts and how they protect your brain from relationship stress.