Have you ever noticed how a single phrase can completely shift the atmosphere in a meeting? As we navigate the spring of 2025, workplace communication has become more critical than ever. Emotional intelligence – our ability to recognize and manage emotions in ourselves and others – often reveals itself most clearly in the words we choose not to say. Today, I’m sharing six words emotionally intelligent professionals intentionally avoid at work, based on my clinical observations and research in organizational psychology.
The destructive power of “but”
The word “but” has remarkable power to negate everything that came before it. When you tell a colleague “I appreciate your effort, but…” their brain essentially erases the appreciation and focuses solely on the criticism that follows. According to communication expert Deborah Tannen, “Using ‘but’ signals contradiction and dismissal, immediately putting the listener on the defensive.” Try replacing “but” with “and” to maintain connection while still delivering your message.
Why “actually” creates instant distance
When you preface your statement with “actually,” you subtly imply the other person was wrong. This condescension trigger creates psychological distance between you and your colleague. I recently worked with a tech executive who noticed team engagement improved significantly after she committed to eliminating this word from her vocabulary during feedback sessions.
The problem with “just”
This minimizing word undermines both your message and your authority. “When we say ‘I just think’ or ‘I’m just wondering,’ we unconsciously diminish our contribution before we’ve even made it,” explains leadership researcher Amy Cuddy. Women in particular tend to linguistic undermining through excessive use of “just” – a pattern worth breaking for everyone seeking to communicate with confidence.
Three additional phrases emotionally intelligent people avoid
- “You always” or “You never” – These absolutes trigger defensiveness and rarely reflect reality
- “Obviously” – Implies the other person should already understand, creating shame
- “No offense, but” – A psychological warning sign that offense is precisely what follows
The neuropsychology behind word choice
Our brains process negative communications through the amygdala – our threat-detection center. When we use these six problematic words, we activate the listener’s stress response, making productive conversation nearly impossible. As research on defensive reactions shows, our emotional maturity reveals itself precisely in these high-stakes communications.
Alternative approaches for difficult conversations
Instead of problematic phrasing, emotionally intelligent professionals use curiosity-based language. Rather than making statements, they ask questions like “What factors led to this decision?” When overwhelmed, they might say “I need to process this information,” as sensitivity to overwhelming situations can actually indicate deeper emotional awareness.
“The language we use doesn’t just describe our reality – it creates it. Each word choice is a small but significant opportunity to build psychological safety.”
As we navigate increasingly complex workplace relationships this spring, consider monitoring your communication for these six words. Which one might be undermining your effectiveness without your awareness? By making these small linguistic shifts, you’ll demonstrate emotional intelligence that strengthens connections and enhances your professional influence.